THE SECURE FAMILY PROJECT
About The Secure Family Project
The Secure Family Project was created to help parents and caregivers better understand children who have experienced neglect, attachment disruptions, trauma, foster care, adoption, and other difficult early experiences.
When children have experienced these challenges, their behavior does not always make sense to the adults caring for them. They may struggle with transitions, resist comfort, become overwhelmed by seemingly small events, attempt to control situations, have difficulty trusting adults, or react strongly to limits and expectations.
These behaviors can easily be viewed as defiance, manipulation, attention seeking, or poor motivation.
The Secure Family Project encourages caregivers to ask a different question:
“What might this behavior tell me about what this child needs?”
Understanding the Child Beneath the Behavior
Children develop within relationships and environments. Their brains, nervous systems, expectations of other people, and ways of responding to stress are shaped by their experiences.
For children who have experienced neglect, trauma, inconsistent caregiving, separation, or loss, behaviors that appear difficult may have developed as ways of adapting to circumstances that were unpredictable, overwhelming, or unsafe.
Understanding this does not mean that children do not need limits, structure, or guidance. It means that effective parenting begins with understanding what may be happening beneath the behavior.
The Secure Family Project helps caregivers consider a child's behavior through the lenses of development, attachment, trauma, regulation, and relationships.
The goal is not simply to change behavior. The goal is to understand what the child may need in order to develop greater safety, trust, regulation, connection, and confidence.
Practical Education for Parents and Caregivers
Research about childhood neglect, attachment, trauma, and development can be complicated. Parents and caregivers should not need professional training or access to academic journals to understand concepts that can help them care for their children.
The Secure Family Project translates research and clinical concepts into short, accessible lessons for caregivers.
The lessons explore subjects such as:
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how neglect can affect child development
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how attachment develops through repeated caregiving experiences
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how early experiences influence children's expectations of adults
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how trauma affects the nervous system
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why children may become dysregulated
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why stress can interfere with thinking, learning, and self-control
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why transitions and changes can be particularly difficult
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why some children resist closeness even when they want connection
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how caregivers can respond to the needs underneath challenging behavior
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how predictable, responsive relationships can support development and healing
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Videos and worksheets are designed to help caregivers move beyond simply asking, “How do I stop this behavior?” and begin considering, “What is happening for my child, and what does my child need from me?”
Who Created The Secure Family Project?
The Secure Family Project was created by James “Jamie” Carroll, MA, LCPC, LPC, RPT-S.
Jamie is a licensed clinical professional counselor and Registered Play Therapist-Supervisor whose clinical work focuses on children and families. His professional experience includes working with children affected by neglect, trauma, attachment disruptions, foster care, adoption, emotional dysregulation, and difficult early experiences.
He is the owner of The Play Therapy Center in Belleville, Illinois, where he provides specialized counseling services for children and families.
His clinical approach emphasizes understanding children's behavior within the context of their development, relationships, experiences, and environments. Rather than viewing behavior in isolation, he considers what that behavior may communicate about a child's developmental and emotional needs.
The Secure Family Project grew from that same perspective.
Parents and caregivers are often given information about what a child is doing without enough information about why the child may be doing it. The project was developed to help close that gap.
Research-Informed, Child-Focused Education
The Secure Family Project draws from established research and theory concerning child development, childhood neglect, attachment, trauma, developmental psychopathology, stress and the nervous system, emotional regulation, and the importance of caregiving relationships.
Research is used to help caregivers understand children, not to reduce children to diagnoses or categories.
Children who have experienced similar events can respond very differently. Development is influenced by many factors, including the child's age, developmental history, relationships, temperament, environment, experiences, strengths, and available supports.
For that reason, the material presented through The Secure Family Project is intended to encourage curiosity about the individual child.
The central question remains:
“What does this child need?”
A Different Way of Looking at Behavior
Changing the way adults understand behavior can change the way they respond to children.
A child who appears controlling may be struggling with uncertainty.
A child who rejects comfort may have learned that closeness is unreliable.
A child who cannot follow directions when upset may temporarily have less access to the thinking skills needed to do so.
A child who struggles with transitions may be responding to uncertainty, loss of control, or previous experiences of unexpected change.
A child who repeatedly tests a caregiver may be trying to determine whether that relationship will remain safe and available when things become difficult.
When caregivers understand what may be happening beneath behavior, they can respond in ways that support both the child's immediate needs and long-term development.
That is the purpose of The Secure Family Project.
To help caregivers see beyond behavior, understand the child in front of them, and build relationships that support safety, connection, development, and healing.
Educational Information
The Secure Family Project provides educational information for parents, caregivers, and professionals. The information provided through this website is not a substitute for individualized mental health, medical, developmental, or other professional services.
Children's circumstances and developmental needs vary. Parents and caregivers who have concerns about a particular child's development, behavior, emotional well-being, or safety should consult an appropriately qualified professional.